How to talk to children about adults who harass minors

Parents are sometimes concerned about rumours of suspicious adults who harass children near schools, on their way to school or in town. It is a good idea to talk about potential harassers when the child goes outside on their own, i.e. at school age.

Many children are naturally cautious in new situations. Nevertheless, it is a good idea to make an agreement with your child or young person about what they should do in strange situations.

No matter how frightened and upset the mother or father may be, they should not transfer their own fear to the child. Parents should first calm themselves down and talk to other adults, for example. They should not give the child the message that the whole world is full of dangers.

Even young children, aged 3–4 years, should learn safety skills at home. Matters concerning their own bodies can be discussed when taking a shower or going to the sauna together, for example. You can tell the child that their body is theirs alone, especially the area covered by their swimsuit. No one else is allowed to touch them there.

Children who have experienced or witnessed something unpleasant should be reassured that they can talk about anything. Seeing someone exposing themselves can be extremely confusing for a child. Adults should remind them that they need to tell someone if something like that happens. Good care teaches children to take care of themselves, even as adults.

Stay calm and take the child’s or young person’s personality into account

• Speak calmly, do not exaggerate or dramatize.
• Also take the child’s personality into account: shy and cautious children will become anxious if you warn them too much, while more lively and outgoing children will benefit from repeated advice.
• Tell your child what they should do in suspicious situations.
• For example, you could say, “Do you remember what we talked about before, about strangers on the way to school?” or “Most people want good for others, but unfortunately, not everyone does.”

Give clear instructions

• Tell the child that it is important not to go anywhere with an adult they do not know. Not even if the adult says they are helping out the child’s mum or dad or asks the child for help.
• Emphasise to the child that if they feel even slightly unsure about how someone is behaving, they can always call their mum, dad, godparent or another familiar adult.
• They should also not accept anything from strangers without asking a familiar adult for their opinion.
• If the child is puzzled, worried or frightened by an adult’s behaviour, or if something unpleasant happens, tell them to leave the situation immediately. If possible, they should go into a shop, bank, library or any other place where there are other people and tell someone what has happened. They should also call a safe adult.
• It is important to emphasise to children that they are allowed to disobey strangers and walk away.
• If the situation feels bad, they can shout or physically resist and run away.

Reassure and make them feel safe

• You can tell them that most people want good for others. Unpleasant incidents are very rare. Not all people may have been treated well as children, and that is why they do not know how to treat others well.
• If there are suspicious people in the neighbourhood, you can plan a route to school with the child that runs near houses. The child can also travel to school with a friend or someone else they know. If necessary, the parent or other adult can accompany the child to school until the situation is over.
• Parents should be prepared to talk to their child about difficult issues if the child wants to discuss them further.